the solo quest

            As we grow, we leave others behind.  We out-grow certain relationships and part company with those who can not grow with us.  We seek souls with whom we have an affinity -- who nurture our developing sense of true self and our deepening wonder at life.

            Certainly as we get sober from any form of addiction or codependency, we move away from people who are still actively addicted to substances or others.  In order to keep our abstinence, we must not be around those who are abusing substances or behaving in ways that are self-denying.  We part company with many in our community.

            As we grow in consciousness, we leave behind those invested in sleep.  As close as we may have been in the past, the convulsions of consciousness are not welcome to those who wish to remain in dissociated oblivion.  Our very presence may disturb them and they may retaliate by denigrating our new-found awareness.  We must be very careful not to allow others’ deadened life-force numb our newly won vitality.  We must guard our precious perceptions and not squander these hard-won treasures on those whose defenses would undermine their meaning and truth.

            Perhaps most difficult of all, we must leave the limits and addictions of our families and of our parents.  We must part company with these primary figures who wield tremendous and often deadly psychic power.  The censoring voices of mother and father will crush our adult attempts to escape the orbit of family, if we are not disciplined and committed to our departure.  Some leave with direct confrontation necessary to break the poisonous cord of family connection.  Some may leave with grace – the family may not even notice we are gone.  We needn’t disturb their sleep.  We may even choose to maintain civil, but distant contact, as long as we are not pulled back into their world of conformity and denial.  No matter how we leave, withdraw we must, leaving behind the hope of their joining us and blessing us as we venture to the depth of our being.

            To become enlightened, we bring light to the deepest and darkest recesses of our being.  This is a path few will follow.  We must be careful of the company we keep for our holy intent is an easy target for those who wish to remain unchallenged by life’s evolving quest -- and prefer to sleep.

Affirm:  As I awaken, I part company with those who prefer to sleep.

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Isolation versus Solitude

Isolation is human despair.  When isolated, we are cut off from human exchange, separated from others, even separated from ourselves.  We experience intense loneliness for without human contact life loses meaning.  We humans are social creatures.  We benefit greatly when others confirm our reality and corroborate our emotions and ideas.

If we are honest, we know we can feel isolated in the middle of a crowd.  Even in the midst of a sea of family and acquaintances, we can feel isolated.  We can even feel alone in a marriage or partnership.  Two people can live together with little meaningful, intimate contact, separated by walls of silence, denial of honest feelings and depression buffered with addictions to quiet any inkling of the despair that lurks beneath the surface.  Posturing in routines and roles replaces authentic living.  All too often, couples have children and use them to fill in the gaps of emptiness that are too hard to face.

Even the sex life in these relationships can remain isolating and anonymous.  Two people going through the motions of sex imbued with fantasy, but never making love with and to the other since no one real is really there.  In fact, sex with no conscious connection to your partner is a type of promiscuity.

The worst form of isolation and the deepest source of loneliness is being cut-off from ourselves.  This occurs when we fail to make contact with our identity for it is buried under traumas that require to much painful effort to excavate.  Instead of our true self shining through, we wear a mask as we interact in the world – even with our closest companions and family members.  We are there -- but not present.  The source of all isolation is our lack of connection with our true self.

In solitude – we are never lonely for we are not really alone.   We are with ourselves.

Solitude may look like isolation, for we are alone, but we are not lonely for we are with someone -- we are with ourselves, with God -- with truth.  In solitude, we are not cut-off, but connected to all that is, to all who live -- to life itself.

As we linger in solitude, we do not feel anxious or alone for our profound connection is to the river of truth that runs through all there is including our core.  Being connected to truth comforts our fears and quiets our loneliness.  Now we have a companion through all of life’s storms -- we have ourselves.  Through our intimate connection with self, we know that God is with us, too.

Even if we have a committed partner or intimate friendships, we still need time for solitude to nurture the best friend we will ever have -- ourselves.  After a period of solitude, we return to our relationships refreshed.  We are not needy or desperate for others, as are the isolated, for our source of companionship does not begin with others, but within ourselves.  We are not afraid to be alone for we never truly are.  We are always with a wonderful companion -- our true self.

And as we approach the mystery of death and the fear of that unknown, now we need not fear we will be alone or abandoned even in that final moment – for we will be there with ourselves taking the next leap into this final chapter of life with our best companion.

Affirm:  In solitude I commune with my best friend -- my Self.

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Staying single

Remaining single, a person can devote his or her life full time to personal evolution.  It is no mistake that priests and holy people of the past remained single, celibate, and married to God.  Now this can be described in psychological terms as the marriage within.  When we marry ourselves, we are of a single mind.  We are at one, consonant with the true self and our deepest purpose.  

But there is great pressure within conventional society to get married and have children.  On the surface, married with children seems so worthy.  Family life creates a stable setting to raise children to pass on property and wealth in an orderly manner, and also to pass on the traditions and values of the culture to the next generation.  Family life gives meaning and identity to so many.         

The darker, unacknowledged purpose of marriage with children is that non-reflective, socially sanctioned family life is a convenient way to deny buried traumas.  Instead of resolving our psychic carnage from childhood, we simply project it unto our spouses and children.  Whatever hurts or unfulfilled wishes remain within us, our spouses and children carry the burden.          

Collectively, a married population with children, who as a group deny the unconscious and the traumas it carries, will seek saviors and enemies of all sorts externally.  And onto these angels and devils, the norm projects split off dreams of love and rage.  We can always formulate heroes to rescue us and villains to hate as we remain unconscious of the harm roiling inside of us.  Unconscious tribes and nations are quick to go to battle and call it God’s war and will.

Affirm:  I am married to truth and help wake up the world. 

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