Your Sacred Self
Living Your Real Life
New! A Perfect Partner
The perfect partner
The perfect partner, whether gay or straight, is a co-traveler to truth – to God. He or she is striving just as hard as we are to understand and resolve their defenses. Childhood traumas that have been repressed in the unconscious must be brought into full awareness – enlightenment – before we can be or have a perfect partner. Even if we or our perfect partner, regresses into old, negative behavior or attitudes, we remember that the essence of each of us is perfect – at the core of each is truth. If eruptions of negativity occur, we understand the source is a wounded child. Each partner monitors these slips and owns them, and then resumes consciously evolving to truth – to our innate divinity.
In courting and committing to a perfect partner, there are compatibility issues to consider: are our genders complimentary, do our interests in life overlap enough to enjoy activities together, are our backgrounds similar enough not to hit a conflict at every turn, are we freed of addictions so that our attitudes, feelings and behavior are not distorted or destructive? All of these factors are important when forming a love bond. But the most important aspect of compatibility is our common interest in wholeness -- holiness. This perfect partner reminds us of our own inherent perfection, and we, in turn, remind him or her of their perfection. We use our time together to journey away from the limits and wounds of our families and culture to a true embodiment of our perfection.
Most people skip the arduous preparation necessary to have a perfect partner – the lonely solo journey to an autonomous self. Instead of resolving childhood issues before mating, mating is done in place of this hard work of self-awareness. The imperfect partner becomes the object of magical rescue or murderous revenge. Unconsciously we employ the fantasy that prince or princess charming will magically rescue us from all that was wrong in our past, especially denied childhood issues. And if he or she doesn’t rescue us, especially after the honeymoon period of romance and fantasy sex has ended, our imperfect partner will receive our revenge or we will receive theirs.
If our childhood issues remain unresolved, we will always act them out with our love partners. If we remain unhealed, then underneath this most adult activity of courting, marriage, and being sexual will be a damaged child negotiating through our adult bodies to get the love missed from parents long ago. All the manipulations, all the arguing, all the misplaced projections and expectations, the willful interactions, over-reactions, even vengeful attacks aimed at our mate will be fueled by the unmet needs of the abandoned child who at last has found a target to act-out or negotiate the neglect of long ago. Another defensive path with a partner can be to assume a façade of normalcy and bourgeois conformity – all is well on the surface. In this case, the denied traumas manifest discretely in emotional compromise, stunted creativity, depression, physical illness and addictions of various sort all to mute denied feelings and wounds.
We must undergo extensive healing of childhood despair -- which we all carry -- to not play out our damage with our partners. When we are sufficiently centered in our own true self, not seeking rescue from a surrogate parent or revenge because our expectations are thwarted, only then are we ready to be and have a perfect partner.
It is difficult to return to God alone. In a world full of compromised liars as the norm, it is a great comfort and aid to seek truth with an evolved other. We need co-travelers – friends, companions, even lovers -- who remind us that our journey is real, and that our goal is not to conform to the comforts of psychic sleep, but to grow into enlightenment – fulfilling the perfection planted in us at birth. One way to journey home is with a perfect partner.
Affirm: As a perfect partner, I remind myself and my lover/companion/friend of our implicit perfection.